N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

This actually came to me as about the N800, but I altered it in light of current developments.

It is the distant past. The apes are clustered in the cave, cowering as a fierce leopard roars outside and tries to reach inside and grab one of them. But they have hidden themselves well, and he can't reach them. Continuing to growl ferociously, he recedes into the distance as they continue to huddle in terror. The hubub of 2001 vocal music fills the air.

Hours later, it is getting light, and a ray of light illuminates the cave as the triumphant music fills the air. The apes stagger bewilderedly out of the cave, and leaning against a rock they see a N810, strange object somehow transported by aliens. They surround it and one of the apes fearfully reaches out to touch it, then recoils, and advances towards it again.

Later, rival apes are about to capture the water hole when our apes emerge, with the fearful ape now holding the N810 above him. It is on now, and on the screen is a leopard growling ferociously and loudly, in great color. The other apes retreat. In triumph, the leader ape hurles the N810 high into the air, and it flips several times.

And there is a jump cut, thousands of years into the future. To Straussian waltz music, we see that a giant N810 has now become a space vehicle, hurtling towards the moon...

The slogan appears: Nokia 810: The Future is Now.

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

You forgot the part where the ape gets totally frustro because his thumbs can't get at the top row of keys of the stupid thumbboard, and he chucks the N810 against that big monolith some other aliens put there first.

And then another ape whips out his Newton, writes "Send more Newtons!" on the screen (with -- incidentally -- perfect HWR recognition) and then totals his Newton, because there's no way he can get the message sent to anyone...

All the while a third ape has been happily tapping away on his antediluvian Psion Series 3a, printing out perfect hardcopy, which he then has to shove into a faxmachine, because his Psion has zero connectivity options.

But hey! the future's still so bright I gotta wear shades. Right?

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Except the Psion user could've sent it to anyone over a GSM call using IR, wirelessly emailed it or something else. Basically the same as a Newton, isn't it?

EPOC's email client was generally better than osso-email (shock ;-))

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Do they still make cellphones with IR? I know my P910 has it, but that's already considered an ancient phone.

Newtons have -- how predictable! -- an IR stack that is incompatible with everything anywhere anytime. There's a hack to get -- somewhat -- standard IR on a Newton, but it's flakey.

And finally: everything EPOC had, was better than anything anyone else has. That's a mobile axiom, that is.

BTW, I forgot one last little monkey: He's sitting in the back, desperately trying to prevent his Pepper Pad from dragging him down to the centre of the Earth, but at least he can type on his thumbboard, even if it's only pathetic cries for help.

Edit: Oops! Forgot: The Series 3a didn't have EPOC, it had SIBO. But the axiom remains anyway.

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

In the end, the primates alternatively masturbate maniacally and fling feces at each other, and anything meaningful is forgotten.

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

My relatively modern (i.e. about a year since release) W850i has IR.

No arguments from me :-(

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

So, this is what we are going to talk about until the new OS and hardware are released? :D

I just read that apple is going to make a tablet. :p

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Yeah, and Nokia is gonna start making phones. :p :p

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Sounds like a fun Saturday night where I live!

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Post pictures of your neighbors so we can look for them on "Cops". Oh, and of you too. :D

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Baaaad boys, whatcha gonna do when Sherrif John Brown come for you?

COPS is filmed with the men and women of law enforcement, special thanks to the UK for this extra special Nokia-filled episode.

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Looks like Apple's tablet would make a deadly thing to throw:

http://img.engadget.com/common/image...3428673731.JPG

http://www.engadget.com/2007/11/06/a...irmed-by-asus/

:p

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Size was mentioned on the other thread, but this one's got a piccie, and I've closed that tab already :-)

Patent declaration diagrams do not a device make (either in terms of plans, hardware or reflection of reality ;-)). One that size obviously adds weight to the theory that it'd be a Mac tablet; alternatively if it's 2.5x the size of the iPod Touch (one suggestion), that puts it somewhere between a UMPC and a NIT. More likely to be marketed as a more consumer-oriented device for a particular niche (e.g. Internet browsing) rather than a general tablet-format computer.

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

It'll still be a lot more powerful of a missile. Anyway, there are UMPCs that are that small, going off the 2.5x iPod Touch size.

I wonder if Apple will lock it down like the iPhone/Touch, assuming that it's real?

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

That isn't a tablet, it's an ant farm and the apple fan boy is tormenting the ants.

Saw it on Oprah.

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

It'll be one of those cool ant farms that use gel instead of dirt, then. Gel that glows. Different colors. And you can dynamically rearrange tunnels just by dragging your finger over the glass.

:eek:

*adds to Christmas wish list*

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

"I, for one, welcome our new insectoid overlords!"

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

*throws more stuff at Karel*

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

I think I nailed it TexRat. Instead of dragging one finger to create new tunnels, you can use multitouch (invented about 20 years ago) to make MULTIPLE tunnels at the same time, *and* pass it off as a new innovation.

I think I oughtta get my resume ready for those chaps!

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

I guess that's how sjobs proves he's way over & beyond bgates (other than being still in charge, that is) : during the 90s, Microsoft's main line of defense against the accusations of monopoly was "but, we innovate!"... whereas now, in the 21st century, Apple goes one better... whith *new* innovations :-)
(sorta reminds me of those old washing powder ads, that made your clothes "whiter than white"...)

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

I love Microsoft's and Apple's definition of "innovate": take something developed by academia or the user community, shine it up and claim you "innovated" it. Oh, and be sure to sue a competitor if they do the exact same thing. :rolleyes: And now we have initiatives that formalize this by employing a license designed to suck in open source and spit out profitable applications. Cripes. Sounds like US federal politics...

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Here's a link where you might possibly find a way to make money with all that "Stuff", Tex.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive...72jenkem1.html [www.thesmokinggun.com]

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Ew.

I figured we were talking about cans, popcorn and Donna's underwear.

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

No, I kept that. :D

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Dude. Who's did you throw then?

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Mine. I'm cold. So very ... very... cold. *shakes*

Re: N810 -- The Kubrick Parody
 

Ew! Ack! Yikes!

Bleech!!! Give me bleech!!!! Now, dammit!!!!!