Ok, so you sound like really invested on doing this...

First step: What's your operating system?
Second step: What did you download from ubuntu.com? How did you burn the disc?
Third step: What is your machine? A normal computer? A laptop?

I was thinking on using VirtualBox. Are you sure you did not try to install a 64 bit version into a 32 bit machine? The other way around works.

BUT I guess I have other way to do it though windows, it this is your SO. I could do it though the phone itself, but you would have to install Power Kernel and etc, and it would just ruin the rest of your day.

Have you ever heard of motionjoy?