I'm expecting a lot from this "disruptive device." Here is my list:


1) It should come with a toothbrush attachment so I can stick it on vibrate and brush my teeth with it.

2) There should be a laser pointer, dog whistle, breathalyzer and pico projector in it.

3) It should have a knife attachment so I can put it on vibrate and cut chicken with it.

4) It should have an etching attachment so I can etch nasty comments on the back of my friends iphones.

5) When I say, "wonderphone powers activate" and slam it down on the table and say, "take the form of a dildo" it should just do it.

6) It should come with a case................of beer.

7) It should have been released on 4/20 in Amsterdam and came with a big fat joint to help us all get over the Elopacolypse.

8) It should have a wallpaper of it eating iphones.

9) Since it's the alpha phone it should know how to "fake it till you make it" and it should trick us into
believing it's running future meego without bug.

10) When my girlfriend calls it should splash random excuses and lies on the screen in case she asks what was I doing and why
didn't I answer the phone.

11) When my car alarm goes off it should go off too and flash, "someones stealing your car" on the screen.

12) It should have fart noise cancellation - the anti "fart app" app. So if I fart nobody knows it's me.

13) It should give sass to keep things interesting depending on how much sassiness I choose from the settings menu - no sass,
sassy, extra sassy and super sassy.
If I choose super sassy I should get an audio confirmation from Mike meyers.
Example ME: "Phone, google search meego tablet review." Phone: "Say please."

14) It should have a set of wings and propellers accessory so I can just slip them on and tell it to go fly to a gps
coordinate and come back with footage or I could just say, "find Mary, go boy!"

15) It should respond to me like the computers in star trek and address me as sir or mister and congratulate me when I *ahem "finish."

16) It should slide up and down on my johnson while vibrating and playing an animation of my favorite playboy bunny - slding up
and down on my Johnson.

17) It should double as a coaster.

18) I should be able to scan a sandwhich and have it tell me how much calories it has.

19) It should scan for life signs.

20) It should have echo location and warn me when I'm drunk and walking at night if a cop car is coming or I'm going to bump into something.

21) When I'm spending special time with my girlfriend it should use the accelerometer to measure my thrust strength and count
and compare it to a national database of males to see how I'm doing and it should filter out lesbians with toys that will try
to bloat the figures on purpose to hurt our egos.

22) It should have came with a kickstand ............. for my bike. It's a decent bike with monkey lights and bike speakers
and I'm tired of laying it on the ground.

23) The batteries should be from Chino not China, Chino not China, Chino...!!

24) When I score with a hot chick it should project a hologram that gives me a high five.

25) It should taste good when I lick it

26) It should be made out of liquidmetal so it's indestructible http://www.liquidmetal.com/index/default.asp
unless you leave it on top of a very hot oven.

27) When I toss it in the air with a flip to catch it again it should say, "Weeeeeeeee."

28) it should come with an attachment that lets me use it to play spin the bottle and a cheating app that lets me make it
point to the girl that I want.

29) It should hack my ps3 to make the games easier and convince that I'm a better player than I really am.

30) When I root it I should see Kunta Kinte on the screen http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Ro...ry_Edition.jpg