Well, crap. Apparently, my device arrived July 1, and was held in customs the whole week because it doesn't have a NTC Type Approval sticker on the box.

Called DHL, and they said that I'd have to get it myself, and should I have it, they'll pick it up at my place and come back with the phone.

Whelp, time to deal with helpdesk agents at a government office. The horror.

Dang nabbit! So close too!