I understand your frustration. I've been fighting this problem for a some time. But while the N800 and N810 can be "a hacker toy", they can also be a reasonably stable device if you stay with Nokia approved apps. On the iPhone, what apps you can install are restricted just for this reason.
I think / hope / seem to have fixed this problem on my N800 by removing some of the more questionable apps that I had on it. If I had been less annoyed by the problem I could have figured out exactly what app it was.