why can't they break every rule of physics?!? it would make n900 million times better!

here are my list of total dealbreakers(aka if some competitor gives some of these before n900 ships, i am thinking of cancelling my preorder):
*device size doesn't change by pinching or double tapping. i want my device to adapt physically for every need i have
*no nuclear battery that lasts 1000 years
*no tube amp and LP-player for HIFI
*doesn't correct and send my tax report signed automatically
*doesn't cook and clean
*doesn't give extra +200HP to my 1.3l mazda2 when plugged to aux-port
*doesn't come with polygamy & 100 hot swedish babes