EDIT: *sigh* removed joke... @OP: I wasn't actually mocking your situation (I feel bad for you, and I would be really upset if it was me), but it was a very tempting pun. Sorry for being a jerk...
Anyhow, on a side note, I agree with the comment that the post title is not helpful, and I've seen a few like this as of late. I motion that we put a sticky thread somewhere with links to info on repair options and a place for people to ask for help/complain/post pictures of chewed phones/whatever in one place. Anyone want to second that?