Latest update from me:

Just picked up my phone from the shop that sent it to Nokia Care for me.

Nokia sent it back refusing to repair it due to "evidence of user damage".

As if that wasn't aggravating enough, they sent it back without any USB port whatsoever.

Previously I could charge/use the USB in certain positions, now obviously I can't do anything at all.

I've now contacted consumer direct and my credit card company has also informed me that they will help me via another department that deals with these sort of issues but they're only open Monday to Friday. So I'll contact them too....

Edit: The phone was also handed back to me with corrupt and entirely unusable firmware that resulted in all text showing as pretty squares and all pictures showing as "Picture not found" (who knows why the text for that was found) and the pressing of any button to cause the phone to restart.

Reflash was obviously not possible.