Okay, the only real problem I'm having is that I can't visualize a single thing that's going on with all of this.

Apparently I was dropped on my head, burned in a bathtub and thrown out a car when I was a baby.

If you could, please post a simple screenshot of Gparted for your memory card.

Second, if you could, post a screenshot of either your external or internal memory card before you extracted the whole rootfs thingie, then I should be gold from there on out.

I've read through almost every debian post, but without a single picture of what you guys are doing, I'll probably remain a waddling nightmare of unhappiness.

Does that make any sense?