yes...i'm a dumbass...i'll admit it. i'm such a dumbass that i'm willing to update my post and tell you what i did wrong.

I DIDN'T READ THE INSTRUCTIONS

i was not pressing the home button. that's it. end of story. so for all of the other people out there (please jeebus tell me there is at least one!) who are having this problem...

read...read...read

holly