You are most like John C. Dvorak! You are a crusty curmudgeon who finds something negative in everything. Your favorite pasttime is to point out flaws in the things you want to like. Your favorite color is black, lucky number is 13, and best-loved song is "Short People" by Randy Newman. You think people are a waste of good leather. Your goal in life is to get Steve Jobs and Steve Ballmer into a mud-wrestling match, bill it as "Apocolypse of the Two Steves", and retire in style from the proceeds.