Thanks for the answers. Unfortunately, I think I found out what my problem is: it's a counterfeit. I was googling some of the numbers on the under-the-battery sticker, and it turns out that "Made in Finland" and having one of the ID numbers end in -233 is a dead giveaway for a fake.



And then I found out I couldn't even open a terminal on the device, another indication of fakery.

So, the reason nothing is working is because it's not what it was sold to me as.



Now I have to try to get my money back. And start all over in the quest to get an N900! (I need one of those little icons shedding buckets of tears here!)