Actually, I think the problem is the Apple programming that is causing the problem.

You know what I mean - Steve Jobs is spreading his "Reality Distortation" field (TM - patent pending) through Apple products and advertising media.

I've heard iPhone owners say things like:
"the iPhone is not the best phone - it's all about the 'experience' of owning an Apple product"

Or walking into an Apple store and discovering they have a "Genius Bar"
I thought "great! they serve alcohol too?"
Boy! was I disappointed. Instead I spoke to an arrogant, jumped-up little sh** who thought:

1) Apple invented the computer and deserve the right to patent everything because all other companies keep stealing Apple's ideas (e.g. video phone calls)

2) How to hold an iPhone because people "hold it wrong"

3) When I asked him why he was a "Genius" - it was because of his extensive knowledge of Apple products and can troubelshoot any apple problem. I then asked "aren't you just diluting the meaning of genius and hijacking a word to describe people like Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawkins and Thomas Edison?"

He said "No, they are not true geniuses because they never used Apple products in their discoveries and Steve Jobs is the one true genius - patent pending"

4) A 2-buttoned mouse is complicated

At this point I started to feel unwell and my wife said "hey this place looks nice - maybe Apple products are not so bad after all?"

My 9-year old son started running around and shouting "Dad! look at me I'm the reality distortion field" and he then denounced my n900 as "the work of the devil".

I became increasingly unwell and developed a headache.

An overwhelming sense of dread washed over me and realised with a sense of horror what was happening.....The reality distortion field was broadcasting in the Apple store and affecting my wife and kids. But somehow its influence was not working on me but making me sick instead - I seem to have some kind of resistance to it.

The pain in my head was getting worse and noticed all the Apple Store employees had blank expressions and their eyes were completely black!

I grabbed my wife and kids and ran out the store as fast as I could. My daughter tried to free herself from my grip and kept saying "I must use the magical shiney boxes of dreams".

Luckily we escaped. My wife and kids started to feel better and suggested we go to Pizza Hut and everything calmed down.

Unfortunately, I developed a full migraine and had to take pills to sort me out and spent the rest of the day in bed.

I will never enter an Apple Store again - especially the one in Glasgow!