i have been missing the music remote on the headphones, the iphone uses the one button headset one click pause and doubble click next track if i remeber correctly,was wondering if it would be possible to program the n900 to do the same..

As mentioned in your N900 manual: No.
But as we have advanced in technology, the solution is to use a bluetooth headset with controls. That works.

it dosn't mention in the manual you can't program it to do anything else i'll go and look for some bluetooh thigys then,

The "advanced" (read: lossy compression) technology can't be used on a plane though.

Thanks for pointing this out! Again: "green table feature/spec" and far away from reality.

But can you use a Bluetooth remote (which usually are Bluetooth headsets) but keep the sound coming out of the lossless headphones jack on the N900 itself?

I really badly need a remote, but the one I have found is a headset adapter to use normal headphones over Bluetooth. I do not want to do that due the lossy sound but I do need to be able to skip track when its raining and so I can't get the N900 out of my pocket.

It may be very obvious but can someone explain to me why the N900 can't use earphones with media controls like the N97 does?

If the N900 hardware supports it, then even if there exists no software to make use of it, it should still be trivial to fashion some kind of "hack".

I have been wondering that as well. Where can one find more information about that?

Yes, I need a remote for the N900.

My usual 10 minute walk to the subway. Raining. Could not, would not pull the N900 out of pocket to change track. "In da gadda da vida" came on the moment I stepped out.....

Take a look at http://talk.maemo.org/showthread.php?t=21182&page=1, noting that it starts back several months ago...