I know some people here are, like me, waiting for the next Nokia tablet that will be less like a phone and more like a blue box. I am happy to announce that a friend of a friend of mine (me! ) hacked into Nokia's servers and read there the specs of the killer gadget they are planning. It looks almost like a dream!

Nokia N999 will be developed along with Cray computers, and will have a vector processor. Graphics by SGI: the long awaited “Indigo-on-a-chip”. Transmeta also contributes with an on-board LISP interpreter chip. Keybord is LISP-oriented, by the way, has a “M-eta” key to help emacs newbies and “delete” does backspace (to leave Apple users more at home!).

OS based on HURD, but switches to QNX by pressing the SysReq key. (Obs: doesn't switch back. Ever.) Graphics and basic communication apps based on SRI technology, who will release the NLS2009 suite, aka oNLine System Millenium+10% edition. Second edition OS should bring a full Xanadu browser, analog computer simulator, Skinner box control application, real-time (only) flight simulator, and will read your toughts via brain-machine interface.

Automatic backup system by a robot (android!) that stores and retrieves all your magnetic tapes for you via voice command (only Lojban in first edition, more languages are hoped to be supported in the future.) DAT tape provided can be used in the 1/2'' unit with adaptor. (Easter egg: there is a secret 256G experimental holographic memory in the device, recorded with Star Trek first seasons plus all The Prisioner episodes, encoded with Xiphophorus stuff in mkv files with all subtitles you can imagine.)

Contary to expectations, can work as a phone. Comes with RJ-11 cable for your convenience, and sends fax. (Fax reception will be available after future update.)

It's almost ready for release! Only problem is turning device upside down summons Great Old Ones and starts Armageddon. Should be fixed after rebranding and redesign of non-euclidean shape...

Could this be the long speculated Nokia h4X0r? Only time will tell.

(C'mon guys, you know I'm kidding, right? )

I knew you were kidding the moment I saw there was no Tricorder in the specs.