Wow this thead went toxic!

Everyone calm down, take a few deep breaths and imagine furry paws massaging your shoulders.

After a bit of reflection, I think what I'm seeing here is people arguing with each other from the same side. I think this comment was one of the most telling:

though I'd suggest there's sensitivity on both sides.

A couple of Thoughts to Ponder:

"You" doesn't necessarily mean you. I think people are taking things personally when they're not meant. (I think there's a lot of that in this thread.)

Internet communication is not actually a very good way of interacting on a personal level, brilliant though it may be for technical or business stuff.

With those thoughts in mind I look back at the things that have hurt me. The single post that has kept me away from Bugzilla (and given me an image of poor Andre as a big guy with a club!) was a one-liner that was almost certainly not aimed at me. The thing that has hurt me about brainstorm was an action aimed at Bugzilla's process, without a thought for whether it might impact on an individual. And while that maybe means that people are maybe not communicating clearly, it also means I am being too sensitive.

So I found myself reflecting on the way we group ourselves. There are lots of dividing lines - and I suspect sometimes we're not being clear which one we mean.

There are the ways I have noticed so far (there may well be others)

Long-time members and newcomers (the obvious one)

Devs/techs/artists and DDCs (Don't Do Code)

Mailing-list members and talk members

People for whom this is a business, people for whom this is an extremely committed hobby (who might actually be more invested than people for whom it's work), people for whom it's a new hobby and they're uncertain how committed they are yet and people for whom it's a bit of fun about a new toy they got for Christmas.

Because of the general tendency for the groups to roughly align, people are often using the wrong distinctions. Not all newcomers are non-developers. Not all long-time members are mailing list types. Not all DDCs are people for whom it's a new toy they got for Christmas.

You get the idea.

I think the result of this confusion is that the 'people-people' (oh yeah - there's another line - code/tech/business types and 'people' people) are feeling 'got at' when often it's not aimed at them.

Next time someone posts something that I find hurtful, I plan to do two things. One is to ask whether it was really aimed at me (it may have been!) and the other will be to remember that the poster is acting 100% out of what s/he perceives as the good of the community. Then I shall ask myself what I can learn from the post, and whether any of it does apply to me.

Before you take offense at something ask "Do they mean me?" and "Do they have a point?" We're all supposed to be on the same side here.

Of course, we could all just hold hands in the firelight and sing 'kumbaya' ('Someone's Tweeting Lord, kumbaya'... 'Someone's blogging Lord, kumbaya'... ) But that would probably kill the community. Totally.

*RevdKathy hands round chill pills (Benzodiazepine-free, additive-free, non-addictive) and repaints the sign over the door to highlight 'Community' in big sparkly letters*